Tag: Sam Smith Mystery Series

14th February 2008

Valentine’s Day. No card from Dan, no surprise there, though I did see him with a big bunch of flowers, for his ‘fancy woman’.

I called at the secretarial agency and they promised to look into possible vacancies – I need to make a fresh start in every sense. I like agency work because it means I can move on. If I stay in one place for too long the office staff sense that I take regular beatings at home and some of them see this as a sign of weakness and bully me. Maybe I am a weak person, though if I can break free from Dan then I can prove to myself that I am strong. I looked after my mother from the age of four so I must have some inner-strength, somewhere.

As I walked out of the agency I noticed a sign in an office across the road. It said, ‘Angus Read – Discrete Enquiries’. Without hesitating or too much thought, I crossed the road and entered Mr Read’s office. I sat and we chatted. In his late thirties, tall with thinning brown hair, I found Mr Read easy to talk with. I outlined my problem – suspecting Dan of the affair – and he said he’d like to help, but he had too many clients on the go at the moment. However, if I call back tomorrow he will discuss my situation and offer me pointers so that I can gather evidence of the affair for myself. I feel as though I need evidence and that I need to consult with a solicitor. I have made up my mind – I want a clean break from Dan with all the loose legal ends neatly tied up. I sense that he will try every trick in the book, and some that haven’t been written yet, to get me to stay, not because he loves me, but because I play an important role in his life, that of punchbag. But I’m tired of his abuse; I’m not going to put up with it any longer. I will call on Angus Read again tomorrow and listen to what he has to say.

9th February 2008

I think Dan is having an affair. He is taking more pride in his appearance and he hasn’t placed an aggressive finger on me in a week. He’s had affairs in the past, I know it, and I’ve put up with them because he’s calmer when he’s having these affairs and when he’s calmer he leaves me alone. But, for some reason, this time I feel hurt and offended. I feel as though I must do something about it, but I’m not sure what.

I don’t know who Dan is ‘romantically’ involved with and I don’t really care. I feel as though I must take my courage into both hands and act this time. I’m still nursing a sore jaw from one of Dan’s over-aggressive ‘slaps’, and that was delivered ten days ago. I wonder if I’ve got a hairline fracture of the jaw. Eating is painful and I’m mumbling my words. Some of the girls at the office have been making fun of me and I’m sick of being the butt of their jokes. I’ll ask the agency if they have any openings for secretary-typists someplace else.

Initially, I was depressed at the thought of Dan having an affair, but now I see it as a possible turning point in my life. For some mad reason I put up with his violence, but I won’t put up with this. If I confront him, he’ll get angry with me, and I don’t want that. I need to think of a strategy and see this through. Things will get worse before they get better, but I must be determined and move on.

23rd January 2008

Dan arrived home in a foul mood. He’d been drinking with his journalist colleagues in the Crown and, as usual, he’d consumed too much. He complained that I hadn’t prepared dinner, that my hair was too long, that I was a lousy wife and lover, that my fingernails were a mess, etcetera, etcetera. Some of the above is true – I am a lousy cook, I do bite my fingernails and I’m not very affectionate towards Dan. I wonder why I married him, what moved me to make that decision, four years ago. Desperation, is probably the honest answer. Back then, I had a low opinion of myself and I was swept off my feet when approached by someone as good-looking and charming as Dan. Then the drink revealed his darker side and he fractured my skull. He broke my jaw as well. Facial and bodily injuries are still a regular occurrence. Indeed, every day he tortures me with physical and verbal aggression.

Why do I put up with it? I ask myself this question daily. If I stay with him, he will kill me at some point. Yet, I cannot find it within myself to leave him. Maybe I am too weak, too insecure to venture out on my own. Maybe pride plays a part and I don’t want to reveal the truth. Maybe I am still hoping that I can make everything all right. And, crazy as it sounds, if I did leave him, I don’t think he could cope on his own.

After the verbal bashing this evening, he beat me again, and I’ll have to go into work tomorrow with another black eye. The girls in the office always accept my feeble excuses, but they must know the truth. I guess it’s too embarrassing for them to broach the subject. Anyway, despite the physical and emotional pain, I’d rather keep the ‘secret’ of Dan’s domestic violence to myself.