Category: Sam’s Diary

2nd August 2008

The typing agency has found me a temporary appointment, three months at a television factory as a secretary. It’s nothing glamourous, but it will supply me with some much needed finances and give me time to think where I go from here. I’ve always been careful with my money, mainly out of necessity, and I do have some savings to call on. Financially, I should be okay for the next three months and if things go well then I’m thinking of taking a risk. I feel as though I need something in my life that will boost my self-esteem and self-image and that something is enquiry agent work. I might look for another opening with an agency or, deep breath, open an agency by myself. I’ve had tentative discussions with Angus about the idea and he indicated that he would be supportive, offer advice and push business opportunities my way. I think he’s still feeling guilty about why I left and is trying to make amends. Starting your own business is a big step and I will need advice from the enterprise sector about what it all entails. I have lined up some appointments with a view to obtaining advice and will see where I go from there. The idea of my own agency excites me, but do I have the business sense and experience to make it a success? The answer is ‘yes’ to the former and ‘no’ to the latter, so it will be a steep learning curve if I do go ahead. I have three months to think, gather information and plan. Then, hopefully with common sense overriding my emotions, I will make a decision on whether or not to go ahead.

5th July 2008

Met Angus this morning and told him of my decision to leave. He begged me to stay, said I’d become an invaluable member of his ‘team’ and that he would offer me a promotion, officially recognizing my sleuthing duties. His words were tempting, but I explained that I thought it was in the best interests of myself, his family, our friendship and his business if I left now. Angus is a sensible man and he saw the logic in my words. Reluctantly, he accepted my resignation and apologized for revealing his feelings about me. I said I’m not the woman for him, which is true, and that he had too much to lose by embarking on an affair. He agreed and we parted as friends. Angus offered to provide a reference and told me I was free to call on him at any time for help and advice. I said I’d keep in touch, and I will. Very depressed tonight. Not sure what to do next.

2nd June 2008

Angus asked me to do him a favour today, serve a bankruptcy notice – not a pleasant task. However, I agreed and drove to the address on the envelope.

I required a signature for the bankruptcy notice so I steeled myself to walk up the long path of a well appointed four bedroomed house, knock on the door and serve the notice. Only, there was a problem – a ‘beware of the dog’ sign on the gate. Now, I have a silver tongue and I reckon that I can talk my way out of most predicaments, but I do not speak dog, so I was cautious as I approached the gate. My caution gave way to mild panic when I caught sight of the dog itself – a snarling Rottweiler, left free to roam the garden. What to do? I retreated to my car to think.

Thankfully, the owner soon allowed the dog inside the house and, after a pause to gather my courage, I tip-toed up the path and rang the doorbell. The dog barked and I could hear the man growl at the animal. Then silence as he opened the door.

I served the bankruptcy notice and offered a few words of condolence. Big mistake. The man took my words completely the wrong way – he became verbally aggressive, then threatened violence. Although I sympathized with his predicament, I was not going to stand around and take a beating. So I turned my back on him and walked towards the gate. That incensed him further and he ran after me. Shifting into top gear I raced down the path and hurdled the garden wall. It’s a good thing I’m naturally athletic and keep in shape or I’d be nursing another set of bruises tonight. I did learn a valuable lesson though – when serving papers I must keep my emotions to myself; I must get the job done and not take other people’s problems to heart.

28th April 2008

Work is still going well and I’m enjoying the challenge. I feel a bit down this evening though, lonely, I guess. I’d like to find Mr Right, but I’m in no hurry. In fact, I do wonder if I have it in me to ever trust a man again.

I’m aching a bit this evening after the latest session of my self-defence class. The class is going well and I’ve a good grasp of the basics. I don’t want to lose my femininity, but I do want the confidence of knowing that I can defend myself. The instructor even asked me to ease up on one of the other pupils because I was ‘too enthusiastic’. Yikes! Little old me showing too much aggression. I suppose I do have a fair amount of anger trapped inside me, due to the beatings received at the hands of Dan and my mother, but I tend to turn that anger on myself and get annoyed with myself if I do things wrong. I’m aware of the problem and trying to make changes, but it’s two steps forward, one step back most of the time.

Listening to a collection of 1960s classics on my CD player now. I love these songs and I’m sure they’ll brighten my mood. California Dreaming. Ah, well…maybe I’ll get there one day…