9th February 2008
I think Dan is having an affair. He is taking more pride in his appearance and he hasn’t placed an aggressive finger on me in a week. He’s had affairs in the past, I know it, and I’ve put up with them because he’s calmer when he’s having these affairs and when he’s calmer he leaves me alone. But, for some reason, this time I feel hurt and offended. I feel as though I must do something about it, but I’m not sure what.
I don’t know who Dan is ‘romantically’ involved with and I don’t really care. I feel as though I must take my courage into both hands and act this time. I’m still nursing a sore jaw from one of Dan’s over-aggressive ‘slaps’, and that was delivered ten days ago. I wonder if I’ve got a hairline fracture of the jaw. Eating is painful and I’m mumbling my words. Some of the girls at the office have been making fun of me and I’m sick of being the butt of their jokes. I’ll ask the agency if they have any openings for secretary-typists someplace else.
Initially, I was depressed at the thought of Dan having an affair, but now I see it as a possible turning point in my life. For some mad reason I put up with his violence, but I won’t put up with this. If I confront him, he’ll get angry with me, and I don’t want that. I need to think of a strategy and see this through. Things will get worse before they get better, but I must be determined and move on.
Hannah Howe 