Category: Sam’s Diary

2nd March 2008

I met Angus Read, the private investigator, at Fry, Gouldman and Fletcher, Solicitors. There, Angus introduced me to Mr Fry, a large man with a jovial countenance. He looked like a cross between your favourite uncle and a benevolent character from the pages of Dickens. He even offered me a glass of sherry, which I declined.

We got down to business and I showed Manny Fry the evidence I’d gathered of Dan’s affair with Tina Mahoney. The evidence consisted of photographs, shop receipts, bank statements and telephone bills that all pointed to Dan showering his affection on Tina. Several times during our conversation Angus and Manny said that they were impressed with my ‘professionalism’. I take pride in my work, even if it’s only typing a letter, and I have to confess their praise did make me smile. I walked out of Manny Fry’s office feeling taller than my modest five foot five.  Before I left Manny’s office he concluded that I had gathered enough evidence to instigate divorce proceedings. He said the next step was up to me and I told him to go ahead. All hell will break loose when Dan learns of the divorce, and I have to admit I am fearful about his reaction. Ironically, one of the tasks Angus carries out for Manny is serving divorce papers.

The future is full of uncertainties with the prospect of finding a new job and a new home – I’ve decided that I will move out, rather than make Dan leave. If I confront him about moving out, that will lead to a battle and while I’m slowly gaining in strength, self-belief and confidence, I’m not ready to face him head-on, yet.

18th February 2008

Dan went out this afternoon wearing his best jacket and a new pair of trousers. His journalism is suffering because of the booze so we’re living on my money, as we have done for most of our marriage. He walked out of the house without saying a word. I gave him a moment then I slipped into my new coat, pulled a silly, floppy hat over my head, placed my camera in a carrier bag and set off in casual pursuit.

After two minutes of walking I knew where Dan was heading – the Crown. He entered the pub without glancing over his shoulder and I stood for awhile in the rain while he drank his whisky, his favourite ‘poison’. I felt sad as I stood in the rain, sad that my life had reached this point. I considered forgetting about the whole enterprise and walking home. Then I reminded myself of the past four years and Dan’s aggression. I had to see this through and bring this misery to an end.

After forty minutes Dan emerged with a buxom bottle-blonde, Tina, the barmaid. I knew her to say ‘hello’ to, but nothing more. In the pub car park Dan leaned towards Tina and kissed her. In the hedgerow, I cursed myself for not having my camera ready.

In the event, they were so wrapped up in each other that I could have followed them on an elephant and they wouldn’t have noticed. They walked through a park where they paused for a kiss and a grope. Click! Then they went into the shopping centre, a jewellers. After ten minutes Tina emerged with a gold bracelet on her wrist, bought with my money. She turned to Dan and smiled longingly. Then she gave him a big, smoochy kiss. Click!

From there, they walked to Tina’s flat. While she fumbled for her door key, Dan fumbled under her dress. Click! I felt a bit grubby, taking these photographs, but reminded myself that Angus said I didn’t need anything explicit – the implication that Dan was having an affair should be enough.

With Dan and Tina in her flat, I walked to Angus’ office and told him about my afternoon. He was very impressed with me and said that I’d made a promising start. He recommended a solicitor, Manny Fry of Fry, Gouldman and Fletcher, and arranged an appointment with him. Meanwhile, Angus would discretely interview people close to Dan and Tina to gather more evidence of the affair. He advised me to be on the lookout for any additional evidence – I should check Tina’s rubbish bag to see if I could find any sexual evidence of the affair, a task I decided to postpone. I should search Dan’s pockets and wallet for telephone numbers and shop receipts. Also, check my bank statements for gifts Dan had bought Tina.

I did most of the above. I am on my way, there is no turning back now.

15th February 2008

I called on Angus Read this morning. He gave me advice about following Dan and his lover, and about collecting evidence. He suggested that photographic evidence would be my best bet and advised me to buy a quality camera with a telephoto lens and a decent shutter speed. He said tailing Dan might be a problem because he’d recognize me, so I should do something to hide my hair, maybe style it differently or wear a hat. Also, wear dark glasses and buy a reversible coat – whenever the opportunity presented itself I should reverse my coat, don or remove my hat, and make full use of a range of sunglasses. It all sounds very ‘I Spy’ but he’s an experienced investigator and he must know what he’s doing. Another tip he gave me was to use windows and reflections – don’t look directly at your subject. If I follow his advice, Angus reckons that I should gather enough evidence to satisfy a solicitor. I must say, I’m feeling both nervous and excited about the prospect of ‘playing detective’, but I also have in mind that this is a serious matter and I have to get it right. From Angus’ office I went straight to the shops, where I bought a camera, a reversible coat and some headwear.

Meanwhile, I’ve been getting some strange phone calls. Whenever I pick up the phone the line goes dead. I’m wondering if it’s Dan’s lover trying to contact him. If it is, it’s brazen of Dan to give her our home number. But Dan can be like that – very sure of himself when in the company of women. Though, that said, he usually needs a few drinks to reach that level of confidence. I wonder what she thinks of me. Do I care? Not really. I have to think of myself in this situation and, for the first time in my life, put myself first.

14th February 2008

Valentine’s Day. No card from Dan, no surprise there, though I did see him with a big bunch of flowers, for his ‘fancy woman’.

I called at the secretarial agency and they promised to look into possible vacancies – I need to make a fresh start in every sense. I like agency work because it means I can move on. If I stay in one place for too long the office staff sense that I take regular beatings at home and some of them see this as a sign of weakness and bully me. Maybe I am a weak person, though if I can break free from Dan then I can prove to myself that I am strong. I looked after my mother from the age of four so I must have some inner-strength, somewhere.

As I walked out of the agency I noticed a sign in an office across the road. It said, ‘Angus Read – Discrete Enquiries’. Without hesitating or too much thought, I crossed the road and entered Mr Read’s office. I sat and we chatted. In his late thirties, tall with thinning brown hair, I found Mr Read easy to talk with. I outlined my problem – suspecting Dan of the affair – and he said he’d like to help, but he had too many clients on the go at the moment. However, if I call back tomorrow he will discuss my situation and offer me pointers so that I can gather evidence of the affair for myself. I feel as though I need evidence and that I need to consult with a solicitor. I have made up my mind – I want a clean break from Dan with all the loose legal ends neatly tied up. I sense that he will try every trick in the book, and some that haven’t been written yet, to get me to stay, not because he loves me, but because I play an important role in his life, that of punchbag. But I’m tired of his abuse; I’m not going to put up with it any longer. I will call on Angus Read again tomorrow and listen to what he has to say.

9th February 2008

I think Dan is having an affair. He is taking more pride in his appearance and he hasn’t placed an aggressive finger on me in a week. He’s had affairs in the past, I know it, and I’ve put up with them because he’s calmer when he’s having these affairs and when he’s calmer he leaves me alone. But, for some reason, this time I feel hurt and offended. I feel as though I must do something about it, but I’m not sure what.

I don’t know who Dan is ‘romantically’ involved with and I don’t really care. I feel as though I must take my courage into both hands and act this time. I’m still nursing a sore jaw from one of Dan’s over-aggressive ‘slaps’, and that was delivered ten days ago. I wonder if I’ve got a hairline fracture of the jaw. Eating is painful and I’m mumbling my words. Some of the girls at the office have been making fun of me and I’m sick of being the butt of their jokes. I’ll ask the agency if they have any openings for secretary-typists someplace else.

Initially, I was depressed at the thought of Dan having an affair, but now I see it as a possible turning point in my life. For some mad reason I put up with his violence, but I won’t put up with this. If I confront him, he’ll get angry with me, and I don’t want that. I need to think of a strategy and see this through. Things will get worse before they get better, but I must be determined and move on.