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Sam Smith Mystery Series Sam's Diary

Sam’s Diary #13

26th March 2008

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This morning, I bought myself a new outfit in preparation for my new job. I bought a black waistcoat with a matching pencil skirt and a three-quarter sleeve red blouse. I want to create a good impression from the start. I want to make a success of this job and carve out a meaningful career. I can’t wait to get started!

Later, and with some trepidation, I phoned Dan to arrange a meeting in the local park. To my surprise, he sounded calm and relaxed. He said ‘don’t bother’. He added that he didn’t want to see me again and that I was nothing more than a cheap slut anyway. I know that I shoudn’t take them to heart, but his words do hurt me. I put down the phone with suspicion clouding my thoughts.

In the afternoon, I sneaked over to Dan’s place and, from the shadows, watched as a delivery van arrived packed with Tina’s gear. Obviously, they had patched up their differences and she was moving in with him. At least that explained Dan’s attitude towards me. I have to admit, it hurt to think that he could ditch me so casually and take up with someone else. Clearly he doesn’t care about me at all. I wonder if Tina knows what she’s letting herself in for. I was tempted to warn her, but thought it best not to interfere. Dan’s moods change like the weather so there is a chance that he will be back, hounding me. But in the meantime I should have some respite, maybe enough time to establish myself at Angus Read’s agency and display to him that his faith in me has been well placed.

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Sam Smith Mystery Series Sam's Diary

Sam’s Diary #12

24th March 2008

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This morning, I phoned Angus Read and told him that I’d be delighted to accept his proposal, that I needed to work a week’s notice for the secretarial agency then I would be happy to join him. He sounded as pleased as me and we agreed that I would start work at the Angus Read Enquiry Agency in a week’s time. Then I picked up the phone and spoke to Dan…

I told him my decision, though I didn’t mention my job with Angus. Before I could complete my explanation, Dan went into a rage. He hurled every abusive word you can think of at me. Upset, I put the phone down. He phoned back with another tirade of abuse. I switched off my phone. Then, half an hour later, he arrived on my doorstep. He made a hell of a racket, but I refused to let him in. He must have disturbed one of the neighbours because someone phoned the police. When the police arrived, Dan departed and everything went quiet. I sense that once Dan learns of my new job he will try to jeopardise my chances. I want this job badly and I think I’ll be good at it. I’m not frightened of hard work, have the necessary office skills and a good mind when it comes to working with people and their problems. Heaven knows, I’ve had enough practice trying to sort out my own. I need to put Dan in his place and ensure that he doesn’t disrupt my new, potential, career. But how? I need to think and come up with a strategy.

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Sam Smith Mystery Series Sam's Diary

Sam’s Diary #11

23rd March 2008

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Seven days and no word from Dan. He’s given me a week to gather my thoughts and I respect him for that. As I’ve said, he is not an evil man and in the loneliness of my little flat I’ve been wondering if we could make it work, if we could reach a level of understanding and develop a sense of harmony between us. I was wavering, about to phone Dan and tell him that I’d give it one more try, when my phone rang and Angus Read, the private detective, said he’d like to see me. So, I postponed phoning Dan and called in to see Angus Read.

In Angus’ office we chatted about how I was doing, my general goals in life along with other chitchat. Then, out of the blue, he offered me a job. He asked if I’d like to become his secretary-assistant. To begin with, my duties would be office-based, but as I learned the ropes, there would be opportunities for field work. I was staggered that he considered me suitable and very flattered. Then I thought of Dan and his reaction and I knew that he wouldn’t be pleased. The job offered a challenge, a chance of personal development, and he wouldn’t like that. I asked Angus if I could have twenty-four hours to think over his proposal and he said of course I could.

I left Angus’ office with a spring in my step, in the knowledge that this was an opportunity too good to miss and that, finally, I would have to cut my ties with Dan.

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Sam Smith Mystery Series Sam's Diary

Sam’s Diary #10

16th March 2008

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For the past two days Dan has been phoning me non-stop, so I switched off my phone. He’s mixed threats with words of contrition, telling me how much he loves me and how much I mean to him. At one point he started to cry and I felt sorry for him. For all his faults, and they are many, Dan is not an evil man. He is deeply troubled, yes, but in other aspects of his life he can be kind and generous. Indeed, to the outside world he comes across as polite and charming. He’s a likeable guy and his friends admire him. I’m the only person who sees his darker side and I’ve told no one about our problem. I’m not sure how I would broach the subject or where to start.

I was shopping in the local supermarket when Dan approached me. He was sober and contrite and he asked for my forgiveness. He admitted that the affair with Tina had been a mistake and that he wouldn’t do it again. He begged me to return home and to give our marriage ‘one more try’. I felt safe in a public place and I knew he wouldn’t harm me, so I told him directly that it was over, that he’d hurt me too many times, physically and emotionally, and that we had to move on. I said I’d be there for him if he ran into difficulties, but he had to allow me the space to develop my own life and move on. At first, my words seemed to make sense to him, then he went into begging mode again and asked me to ‘come home’. We were attracting the attentions of the other shoppers, so I told him to give me a week, no contact whatsoever, and I would think carefully about what he said and phone him with my answer. Dan knows that I always hold to my promises, so he accepted my words. I will think carefully about what he’s said, while at the same time hoping that I’ll find the courage not to give in to his emotional blackmail and threats.

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Sam Smith Mystery Series Sam's Diary

Sam’s Diary #9

13th March 2008

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This afternoon Dan turned up on my doorstep. I’m not sure how he found my address, but he is well connected through his journalism and he has contacts everywhere. Needless to say, he was not happy. He told me to ‘stop playing silly buggers and return home’. I tried to explain, in a calm voice, that this was my home, that I’d left him and to please leave me alone. But he insisted on hammering away at the door. I was fearful of the neighbours’ reaction so, reluctantly, I let him in. In my living room he went into a tirade telling me how useless I was in every aspect of my life, how no one would love me, only him. How I couldn’t cope without him. I think the reverse is true – he needs me more than I need him – but I held my tongue. Then he grabbed hold of my shoulders and started to shake me. Then he hit me, hurt me and made me cry. When I started to cry he became all sympathetic and gave me a hug. Then he tried to remove my blouse and I pushed him away. This is a ritual we have been through so many times and it always ends with him screaming at me and hitting me repeatedly until I can barely breathe. But not today. He raised his fist to hit me, but I ducked out of his way. I picked up the phone and he sensed that I was about to call the police. That had a calming effect, maybe because he realized that this was more than a ‘domestic’ matter, that he was assaulting me in ‘my’ home, not ‘our’ home. After a pause to recapture his sanity, Dan left mumbling apologies while I locked the door behind him and collapsed in a chair. I’ll have to put up with more days like these, I told myself – can I do it? Then I reminded myself that I had no choice. I would have to stand up to him, prove that I was stronger than him, then maybe he would go away.